Pregnant and Paranoid: The Worries of the Expectant Mom

Pregnancy is often said to be one of the most exciting time in a woman's life, but it can also simultaneously feel like the scariest for some. First time expectant moms are often wracked by feelings of anxiety, stress, and self-doubt during pregnancy, making the experience less than peaceful. Some women second guess every twinge of discomfort, becoming pregnant hypochondriacs in a way. After all, with all the rapid-fire changes occurring in the pregnant woman's body, it's sometimes difficult to know what's normal and what's a sign that something is wrong.

For women like me who was already had a premature baby in the past and are considered to be high risk, pregnancy can be especially challenging. My first child, Grace, was born at only 27 weeks and weighed only 2 pounds, 8 ounces. She literally fit in the palm of my husband's hand at birth and spent 2 months in the NICU (the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), a division of the hospital dedicated to babies born early or with health problems requiring intensive medical care at birth (for more information on the NICU and my daughter's time there, see my hub "Coping with a Baby in the NICU"). I had experienced what is known as "placental abruption", a rare pregnancy complication in which the placenta, which nourishes the baby, detaches from the inside wall of the uterus, causing spontaneous labor. I don't mean to scare any other expectant moms out there, as this is a very rare occurrence. I had none of the risk factors associated with abruption, and over 2 years later, the doctors still are unsure why it happened. Unfortunately, having one preemie puts a mom at risk for pre-term labor in future pregnancies, so here we are. I am a 5 months pregnant mom of a terrible twos toddler who is pregnant and paranoid.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to be pregnant again and psyched to have a little baby around the house again, despite being crazy busy already with my healthy, happy, and crazy toddler. However, the fear of premature labor and pregnancy complications seemingly always looms over me like a storm cloud. During the first trimester of my pregnancy, I talked myself into being the eternal optimist, believing that this is a fresh start and nothing could possibly go wrong. And, up to the 22 week mark where I am currently, everything is looking fantastic: no complications, no contractions, no bleeding, nothing out of the ordinary. My friends and family received the news of my pregnancy with slight trepidation. Most family and friends we waited to tell until the end of the first trimester, scared of our good luck at becoming pregnant with barely any effort or "trying". Some people smiled upon hearing the news, wrinkling their foreheads with slight concern. I heard a great deal of, "And how is everything going so far?" and "Is everything looking okay?", in addition to the standard "Congratulations!" Some friends were incredibly positive, not even alluding to my past experience. The shadow of prematurity is still somewhat recent for some of the family members who spent considerable time in the NICU with us and saw the many tiny, fragile babies there.

Even two years later, I remember the experience of my daughter's early birth as it were yesterday and am beginning to get nervous about approaching the third trimester, unknown territory I never reached with my first pregnancy. As a small woman of about 100 pounds pre-pregnancy, I've been very conscious of eating enough and eating well during this pregnancy, but I remain tiny, a cause for concern for me at times. My doctor says I look perfect for this stage in pregnancy with my tiny bump barely visible under my tanktop, but I will feel more secure when I have the massive, telltale bump of later pregnancy.

I always sensed that as I reached the point at which I suddenly went into labor with my daughter I'd be nervous, but that did not prepare me for the anxiety and paranoia I feel on my more nervous days. At my anatomy ultrasound, the doctor and tech could not accurately see part of the baby's head and neck, leading me to high-risk specialist who thankfully confirmed that not only does our baby look happy and normal, but I'm carrying a little boy. However, the 48 hours between my two ultrasounds was pure hell, to be frank, a small taste of the nerves I may feel during my 27th week, the week my daughter unexpectedly arrived. Some days are better than others and it's certainly hard to focus my energy on worry when I have a very active, blissfully unaware two year old running circles around me. I sometimes feel that I feel to take it easier, lifting on my daughter less, spending less time on my feet, and generally resting more. However, it's hard to feel like I am shortchanging my daughter, who enjoys her mommy time in the summer when I am on vacation from my job as a teacher. A family member reminded me the other day, "It's okay to actually act like you are pregnant", but at times I become so proud of my "superwoman" image that I can't stop myself from doing just a bit too much.

If you are lucky enough to experience a happy, healthy pregnancy and your little one arrives right on schedule, smile! If nothing has given you cause for alarm so far, try your hardest not to worry. Despite my "high risk" status, I too am trying not to worry, trying to smile, even as I dial my understanding doctor's number seeking reassurance for what seems like the hundredth time this week.